What Are Living Amends? And How Do You Make Them? Cake Blog Cake: Create a Free End of Life Plan

Even if you want to justly or correct, allow them the right to express their experiences, feelings and thoughts about the harm. If you have a reaction to their feedback, pause and just listen then share your thoughts about this living amends aa with your support system, therapist or sponsor. In Step 9, participants acknowledge the negative impact their addiction had on others and commit to direct amends where possible. These actions demonstrate a new way of living and help develop accountability, paving the way for Step 10, where amends are made immediately upon realizing harm.

Should I Work on Step Eight Alone?

• When the person you owe reparations to has died, you can still make living amends by changing things about you and how you live your life.
• Talk with your sponsor or others in your recovery community about what has worked for them.
• Although, you’ll have to find a different way to do so and in a way that makes a lasting impact on you and the people you love who are still here.
• While the concept of amends can be compared to legal restitution, there are notable differences.
• This might mean delaying the amends or finding alternative ways to demonstrate your commitment to change without putting yourself at risk.

This means maybe putting away the cell phone if you are with someone making amends, or turning down background noise if you are making a call to make amends. Do whatever possible to show respect for the situation and the person to whom you are making amends is the order of the day. Listening attentively to the perspectives of all the people wherever possible, except in the cases we need to avoid, can facilitate a deeper understanding and promote the healing process for both parties.

Center for Teens, Young Adults and Families

Step nine in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) involves making direct amends to those harmed by one’s addiction, except when doing so would injure them or others. This step is crucial in the recovery process, as it helps individuals take responsibility for their actions and begin repairing the damage caused by their addiction. This living amends step, as well as every step in the 12-step process, is a time-tested aspect of addiction treatment.

The Role of Step 9 of the Twelve Steps

• More often than not, step nine will be painful, but also equally freeing.
• By confronting past mistakes, you begin to put the past behind and embrace a brighter, healthier future.
• Your AA sponsor, therapist, or another trusted person can help you determine how best to address making amends.
• How you start these conversations depends on your relationship with the person you harmed and the circumstances in which you plan to make direct amends.
• Unfortunately, this scenario plays out much too often in the lives of people who didn’t get a chance to correct their mistakes and past behaviors in time.

Mutual Aid, peer led support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous guide members to work through these steps to maintain sobriety and help others. Living amends are an ongoing demonstration of changed behavior and involve concrete actions like keeping promises and actively working on personal issues related to past wrongdoings. By making all the Substance abuse amends, you show your dedication to a new way of life, especially in instances where someone has passed on or amends can not be made for safety or legal reasons. In sum, when recovering alcoholics reach step nine, they are completely connected to their Higher Power.

A Choice for Meaningful Treatment with Dignity

We strengthen and reinforce healthy recovery whenever we do our part to repair relationships or reach out to others with support and understanding. Making direct amends requires face-to-face interactions wherever possible, which shows sincerity, openness, and humility. These interactions are essential in rebuilding trust and promoting healing for both parties involved. However, it’s equally important to recognize when making amends might cause further harm. Step 9 advises against making amends if it risks additional harm to the other party. This balance ensures that the process of making amends is constructive rather than detrimental.

It’s important to note that making amends is for the person we hurt. Yes, we partake in the process to “clean up our side of the street,” but we do not make amends to clear our conscience or undo our feelings of guilt. If someone does not want to hear from us, we respect that and do our best to move forward with our recoveries. An apology is just a verbal acknowledgment of wrongdoing, whereas an amend means actively repairing relationships and showing dedication to change. There are situations where making an amend might cause more harm than good. Assess whether making amends might cause additional harm to the other person involved.

Overcoming Common Challenges in Making Amends

An example would be telling someone how sorry you are that you stole from them and actually giving back what you took. In cases involving abuse, whether emotional, physical, or sexual, reaching out to apologize can be harmful and counterproductive. Practice accepting other’s responses to your efforts and remember that you have done all you can. When appropriate, remind others that you are here if they change their mind or wish to talk. Making amends does not necessarily depend on your ability to connect with a person or how they respond to you.

Work on your relationships

• The goal of this step is to find freedom by cleaning up the past to live peacefully in the present.
• Again, planning for negative outcomes when making amends and discussing these plans with a sponsor or support group can provide essential emotional preparation.
• With their extensive knowledge and empathetic approach, clients receive the support and expertise needed to navigate the challenges of addiction.
• At Beaches Recovery in Jacksonville, FL, we offer evidence-based treatment programs that incorporate the 12 steps to help our clients overcome addiction and build a healthier, more fulfilling life.
• Perhaps, the amends that you wanted to make might not seem right after discussing with a sponsor.
• You are setting the record strait to clean up your side of the street, so to speak.
• No matter how much we feel the need to make things right, forcing another to meet with us or hear from us is not part of the Steps.

Recognize and acknowledge your behaviors that caused harm to someone else. If you’re looking for treatment, please browse the site to reach out to treatment centers directly. If you’re a treatment provider and have a question, please reach out and someone from our Customer Success team will be in touch with you shortly. These promises are often the most difficult to keep because addiction plays a decisive role in a person’s ability to live up to their promises. Their parent may feel more pain for their addicted child’s inability to get sober than the material items lost due to the thefts. We are seeking accountability for our own actions and holding ourselves to the standards of our own values and our 12 Step program.

In some situations, attempting to make amends may cause more harm than good. And in some cases, you may not be able to make direct amends at all. However, you can still take action in all of these situations to satisfy the spirit and the intent of Step 9 and progress in your step work. A 12-step program fosters long-term recovery through spirituality, growth, and accountability. Each step presents challenges that encourage change in mindset and behavior.

Step 9 is All About Action

It is important to note that just because you have made amends does not mean that your relationships will be completely healed or return back to normal. In many 12-step recovery programs, making amends is an important part of the process. For example, Alcoholic Anonymous (AA)’s ninth step involves making amends to the individuals in your life who were affected by your addiction. The goal of the program is to improve yourself and make strides to be a better person for yourself and your loved ones alike while also remaining sober.